December 29, 2009

Oh, I’m so sorry….

Posted in Uncategorized at 6:40 pm by bethmillett

Need I say more?

December 17, 2009

My Year in Review

Posted in Cats, Funny, Great Big Sea, Home Improvement, Storytelling Arts of Indiana, Tuxedo Brothers at 9:18 pm by bethmillett

It’s been a couple of years since I sent out holiday cards, but I actually got my act in gear this year. When you don’t have kids, and aren’t willing to take that last step to crazy cat lady by putting pictures of your feline “children” on your holiday cards, it’s hard to write a letter that doesn’t sound like a narcissistic dispatch. I had been putting off the letter when a friend mentioned that there was no need to do a letter because “it’s all on Facebook.” That was the perfect inspiration — a collection of Facebook status updates and photos from the past 12 months!

It was hard to edit down — I went from 20+ pages of the whole year down to four pages of the best. But that still smacked of excessive self-absorption, so I managed to get it down to two pages.  Here it is, in Web form. (Or, click here to download a PDF version.)

December 5 at 2:38 am: Beth Millett is an aunt again! Sheridan Elizabeth was born 10:30 p.m., December 4. She’s 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 19 inches long. [I can’t wait to meet her in a few weeks when I spend Christmas and New Year’s in Park City, Utah.]

November 10 at 6:05 am: Beth Millett no longer has a warning light on her car; now it’s on her bank account.

November 7 at 7:43 am: Stretching with Boomer before the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon… [Neither he nor I actually ran the race.]

November 1 at 7:09 am: Beth Millett is observing candy-swapping negotiations that rival a meeting with heads of state. [I spent Halloween with the Lahertys.]

October 30 at 7:14 pm: Beth Millett’s weather-impervious pants have been perviated. [Run Like Hell would have been more aptly called Rain Like Hell.]

October 8 at 9:00 am: Beth Millett is clearly too old for such energetic concert behavior [after seeing Great Big Sea in Louisville]. My hands are bruised from clapping for two hours straight, my arms are like spaghetti from being held over my head clapping. But it was worth it when Kris and Murray said, “Yeah, we could see you in the audience.” Who, me, noticeable?

The lads: Alan Doyle, lead vocals and guitar; Murray Foster, bass; and Kris MacFarlane, drums.

September 9 at 3:12 pm: Beth Millett just found out that her tickets for Great Big Sea in Louisville on October 7 are second row, dead center. She’s never had seats that good for ANYTHING in her life. That’s close enough she should be able to throw her underwear up on stage. With her still in them.

September 8 at 7:12 pm: Beth Millett is happy her dad drank the last bottle of her ex-boyfriend’s beer.

September 7 at 11:10 am: Beth Millett is failing at resisting the urge to dance to the music in Crate and Barrel.

September 4 at 8:54 pm: Beth Millett just saw Mom and Dad’s name on the [Victory Field] scoreboard, wishing them a happy 43rd anniversary!

September 2 at 8:02 am: Beth Millett just amused the kids at the bus stop by dragging a bathtub to the curb for the garbageman.

August 30 at 2:30 pm: Beth Millett is about to use the new shower for the first time and hoping that there’s no water in the garage when she’s done.

August 27 at 5:54 pm: Is it just me, or are wax rings about the nastiest things on the planet?

August 25 at 10:20 pm: o hai. teh flur iz dun. so iz me. kthxbai. [After taking 19 months to complete the master bathroom renovation, I attempt to complete the guest bathroom in 19 days. It took 24 days.]

August 25 at 8:04 am: Beth Millett suspects there is a banana somewhere in her car. [Yup; it had fallen into a compartment in the door. Wish I had found it a few days sooner.]

August 22 at 3:23 pm: Beth Millett was disappointed she did not personally witness the indecent exposure penalty at this morning’s Sprint Triathlon.

August 21 at 5:07 pm: Beth Millett’s niece Katelin turns two years old today! Happy birthday, Peanut!

August 20 at 8:35 pm: Beth Millett managed to get only slightly more paint on the walls than she did on herself.

August 19 at 6:35 pm: Beth Millett went almost 48 hours without a trip to Home Depot/Lowe’s.

August 15 at 4:25 pm: Beth Millett is explaining to a first-time triathlete that, no, the swim comes first, then bike, THEN the run. Tomorrow [Tri Indy] should be oodles of fun!

August 11 at 7:40 pm: Beth Millett thought she was really rocking Jeopardy tonight. Then she realized it was the college kid version.

August 6 at 8:06 am: Beth Millett is celebrating eight years at Borshoff, the best full-service communciations agency ever!

August 4 at 6:42 am: Beth Millett just drained three beers at the office. (Okay, it was into a crockpot of bratwurst for today’s pitch-in.)

August 3 at 6:07 am: Beth Millett is excited to have launched the new Storytelling Arts of Indiana Web site, [I am still volunteering for this great organization. Thanks to all of you who have also supported it this year. I appreciate your contributions!]

July 31 at 5:10 pm: Beth Millett thinks there is nothing more fabulous than getting home and putting on her Crocs flip-flops. Bright pink lifts the spirits, super squishy material cushions the sole.

July 29 at 5:22 pm: Beth Millett is going home to scrub her floor Cinderella-style. Well, without all the help from woodland creatures.

July 28 at 7:43 am: Beth Millett took three years to do it, but finally replaced the little light bulb in her dryer.

July 24 at 1:24 pm: Beth Millett just found out today is National Tequila Day. This changes everything!

July 20 at 7:03 am: Beth Millett is being crowned this afternoon. Okay, so it’s on her back left molar, but still, you should curtsy or bow when in her presence.

June 3 at 1:21 pm: Beth Millett is meeting with fulfillment vendors today. Why does the sight of all those conveyor belts, packing slips and skids of product get her excited?

May 27 at 11:19 am: Beth Millett realizes it’s time to leave the beach when the hook on your bikini top breaks… [I spent a week at my parents’ house in Wilmington, NC, with my sister and her family.]

May 17 at 1:55 pm: Beth Millett observes from [her volunteer post for] Kids’ Day: the problem isn’t the kids, it’s the parents.

May 15 at 5:38 pm: Beth Millett cracks up when truckers honk at her when she’s driving with the top down.

May 1 at 7:16 am: Beth Millett is wearing her all-terrain Crocs — nothing like shoes you can put in the dishwasher!

April 30 at 1:03 pm: Beth Millett was busted for snoring in yoga class.

April 17 at 6:56 pm: Beth Millett is making a mental note: put top up on convertible before using table saw in driveway.

April 5 at 11:52 am: I cannot believe I have never in my life roasted peeps, but they were spectacular — a little like campfire crème brûlée!

April 4 at 4:43 pm: Beth Millett is trying to explain low center of gravity to a five-year-old in a hammock.

April 3 at 9:32 pm: Beth Millett discovered that, with a clipboard, a Bluetooth headset and an air of authority, you can get just about anywhere in the world.

March 31 at 5:53 pm: Beth Millett hereby declares Home Depot as her religion. She has worshipped here more in the last week than in any church in the last decade or more.

March 29 at 11:53 am: Having rectified yesterday’s plumbing disaster, Beth moves on to other new and exciting potential disasters.

March 23 at 6:16 pm: Beth Millett is driving home Clampett-style; new bi-fold door is sticking out of the topless convertible.

March 20 at 7:24 pm: Beth Millett is pondering the possibility of purple PVC plumbing primer for a pedicure, since it’s already all over her hands.

March 16 at 6:40 pm: Beth Millett loves that the drywall she just bought is labeled, in Spanish, that it was made in the U.S.

March 8 at 12:36 pm: Beth Millett is sanding the bejeebers out of her bathroom walls.

March 5 at 6:11 pm: Finally — some studs in my bathroom!

February 28 at 10:12 am: Beth Millett is starting demolition on the old master bath shower. Mmm, sledgehammer. Mmm, reciprocating saw. What more could a girl want on a Saturday morning?

February 24 at 12:42 pm: Beth Millett is trimming back the spider plant in her office, which a coworker says looks like Tina Turner in the “What’s Love Got to Do With It” video.

February 17 at 8:36 am: Beth Millett is attending sexual harassment training this morning. As if she isn’t good enough at it already.

February 10 at 6:07 pm: Beth Millett has told you a hundred billion times, stop exaggerating.

February 8 at 9:09 pm: Beth Millett has a fully functional master bathroom shower/tub! Amazing!

February 2 at 6:28 pm: Beth Millett’s favorite moment from [Katie Laherty] last weekend: “Aunt Beth, I just don’t know how you do it, but you always make people smile wherever you go.”

February 1 at 8:31 am: Beth Millett is cracking up: five-year-old George yelled “Fire in the hole!” when we turned the jets on in the hot tub.

January 21 at 9:17 pm: Beth Millett is not sure she is happy or sad that people from high school remember her as “the girl who put her whole fist in her mouth.”

January 14 at 5:37 pm: Beth Millett is shoveling her driveway and then contemplating a move to Tahiti.

January 14 at 8:57 am: Beth Millett loves running over the clods of dirty snow that fall off cars. Such a satisfying thunk.

January 10 at 8:17 am: Beth Millett is stripping again…. more wallpaper.

December 4, 2009

You know you’re a redneck if…

Posted in Home Improvement, Uncategorized at 8:11 pm by bethmillett

… your bedroom furniture is up on blocks.

When I bought the new king-sized mattress in May, I didn’t realize it would be about 8 inches taller than the old bed had been. Consequently, the nightstands were suddenly way too low. My immediate solution was to put them up on chunks of 2 by 4s. As much as I love that look, it didn’t really make the right statement (not that I have a parade of visitors through the bedroom who might think less of me for my woodworking choices.) Dad build me some lovely leg extenders that we put on each nightstand. He made the extenders with a hole in the top, and we drilled a matching hole in the bottom of each leg and glued a dowel into the holes to join the extender to the nightstand. And by we, I mean Dad, since he can’t sit still for even three seconds while I am out timing the Drumstick Dash. I feel guilty that he comes over and does all the work, but then I realize that even if I were home, he’d do all the work. *grin*

So, now my bedroom furniture is not up on blocks, but it does look like it’s on stilts.


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